I have no good reason for why we have not posted in so long.  I guess life is going by so quick and I keep telling myself that I’ll post later and later turns into even later and now, well it’s just time to post something.

There has been a lot of movement on the list.  Like insane movement.  If the “unofficial” list on our yahoo group is right then we have gone from 20 to 11 in less than a month.  You can imagine that has us scrambling a bit, in a good way.  Things to think about include travel immunizations, health insurance coverage, arrangements for our kids while we travel,  and so many more.  I just can’t wait to talk to our case manager next week to hear about our official movement.

In the meantime, I continue to pray for the AGCI families and their court dates.  For the staff and kids at HH.  For the staff at AGCI.  We have been so blessed by their continued caring and willingness to answer any questions. 

As I write this I am distracted by my coughing children as we have been bit by the H1N1 bug here.  I am praying that my own family can kick this and get well again.

So much going on but so thankful to see God’s hand working in all of it.

~Kristi

We’re a little slow on updating our blog because … well … there’s not much happening. Here are a few other friends and remote acquaintances who have adoption blogs related to Ethiopia.

We will try to keep this updated, and please let us know if you hear of others. While not all adoptive parents blog, we have met (or heard about) lots of people in Grand Rapids adopting from Ethiopia. We’re creating quite the future community here!

http://scottsadoptionjourney.blogspot.com

http://beldgrowinghome.blogspot.com

http://heartofadoption.blogspot.com

http://terhaarfamily.blogspot.com

http://www.dykstramedia.com/adoption.php

http://thelawsonadoptionjourney.blogspot.com

Jesse

Passing along to my fellow fans of Ethiopa. Kristi and I are going to try to attend.

 

Former Prime Minister of Ethiopia, Tamrat Layne Wednesday

September 30 7:30 pm

Calvin College – Gezon Auditorium

Former Prime Minister of Ethiopia, Tamrat Layne, will speak at Calvin on Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 7:30 p.m. on Transformation in Jesus. The event will take place on the Calvin College campus in the Gezon Auditorium.

Layne was one of the founding members of the former Ethiopian Peoples Democratic Movement (EPDM) [now the Amhara National Democratic Movement (ANDM)]. As a leader in the organization, he was an active participant in the seventeen years of rebellion prior to their overthrow of the socialist military dictatorship in Ethiopia, when he became deputy prime minister. But in 1996, he was arrested, charged, and convicted of corruption and abuse of power.

Layne served twelve years in prison in Ethiopia, and was recently released six years before completing his 18 year sentence. While incarcerated, Tamrat Layne became deeply religious, converting to Christianity in 2001. In an interview with Addis Fortune after his release on December 19, 2008, he said, “I am a man of God. I’ve no desire to engage in personal or party politics. I would like to preach faith, peace and love.”

The lecture is free and open to the public.For more information, please contact Todd Cioffi, 616-526-7797.

This lecture is co-sponsored by the Henry Institute, the Calvin College President’s Office, the Nagel Institute for the Study of World Christianity, and the Calvin Institute of Christian Worship.

We’re down to 27 now. Not light years, but it makes a big difference in our minds.

We could be as little as six months away from getting a referral and making travel plans to pick up our daughter. That’s not long.

Our baby has probably been conceived. Maybe she is even born by now. That’s amazing to think about. But it still seems a little far away. Abstract.

Someone else is taking care of her. That someone may not want her. Or she may not have the means to take care of her. That someone may be sick and not have the energy. Or not have a doctor.

That someone may have AIDS and is praying it won’t get passed along to her daughter, our daughter. Her family may be shunning her for getting pregnant. Her husband, or boyfriend, may abuse her. She may be sad and lonely.

She may be dreaming about the future of her daughter. She may not even know whether it is a son or daughter yet. She may be wondering if it would be best to give up her child and let someone else raise it. She may think of America. Maybe.

I know we think about her a lot, both mother and daughter. We read all the adoption articles and books about Ethiopia by Ethiopian writers. We collect clothes and baby supplies. We finish our paperwork and update our passports. We blog.

It’s not too hard waiting, because we are pregnant with hope. And being pregnant can be pleasant too (so I hear).

While we wait, we pray for mother and daughter. And for the strength we will need.

And we count down. Tick. Tock.

It’s worth telling the story of how we chose our adoption agency.

Living in Grand Rapids, Michigan, our city is home to a couple of the biggest international adoption agencies in the world, as well as a handful of smaller ones.

From what I’ve heard, most people call up an agency they have heard of or stumbled across, and jump right into their process. Sometimes they back out or switch to another agency if they don’t get a good vibe from the first one. Some do a little comparison based on cost or country expertise.

But I’ve yet to find someone who put in the hours of research we did. Better Business Bureau, Google searches, government websites, agency website, numerous conversations with couples who have adopted or are in the process … we shopped around.

Yet somehow we never ended up using one of the local agencies. Part of it did have to do with the vibe thing. You are investing a lot of time, money and a lot of yourself into the process. If you don’t have a good sense that an agency or its representative is responsive or knowledgeable or has your best interests in mind, then you are tainted. Kristi got that vibe on a couple of phone calls.

Another one of the agencies was being affected by the difficult fundraising environment that followed the economic downturn in the US. So they were passing costs onto the adoptive parents – sometimes with little notice – and seemed a little strained overall. Not a good confidence builder for such a long-term relationship.

Then, we found few large agencies that were experienced in Ethiopia. It’s still a relatively new program and not under the Hague Convention for adoptive countries. After hearing stories from people who have tried to adopt from a small agency, or a lawyer, or going it alone, we didn’t dare take the risk of being devestated by fraud or failure in the adoption process. We wanted an organization with strong on-the-ground experience.

So we stumbled across All God’s Children International (AGCI), based out of Oregon, and we found that they had a representative based in the Grand Rapids area because so many people in Michigan were adopting through their programs.

If you remember our earlier post, there seemed to be all these signs that were telling us we were on the right track. Well, first we found that AGCI had a transition home  in Addis Ababa, the capital city of Ethiopia. Here they cared for the children as soon as they came into the program. Nobody else seemed to have that level of control and quality.

Then we found out the name of the orphanages (there is another AGCI one on the ground in Guatemala). It’s named Hannah’s Hope, after the daughter of the founder of AGCI. Most of you know that Hannah is our daughter’s name too – our firstborn.

The founder of AGCI wrote a book about their adoption story and how they created All God’s Children. It’s pretty dramatic, and talks about a lot of moments where they felt led by God and saw little miracles along the way to assure them that they were on the right track. It’s quite a beautiful story actually, especially how some of their setbacks and fustrations become victories in the end.

So after all the research, and the qualifications, and the back story, we finally settled on All God’s Children. And we got a great vibe right away … which is maybe all we should’ve been looking for in the first place!

Jesse

I know it’s not good to make assumptions but it’s all I have right now.  Last week we got the email to give us an official number in line.  On July 15, we officially entered the line at 37.  Last  week we had moved to 34.  Every month our case worker will give us an official update as to the change in status but while we wait for that we can try to  track our progress via the bi-weekly newsletter.  Anyway, as soon as Jesse came home Friday I could not wait to check our email.  There it was, the newsletter.  I quickly looked to the referrals…3 infant girls!  So, I am assuming that puts us at 31!  I really hope that I’m right.  Six places in one month gives me hope and something to look back on if the referrals start to slow.

 

To some of you this might sound silly, watching a list of numbers.  To me, while we wait for our daughter, it’s something tangible to hold on to.  So, at 31, she’s just that much closer to coming home.

 

~Kristi

Not much to report, but it also feels bad going a long time without a post, so let me stitch together a couple of random stories.

Two nights ago, I had a dream about adopting. That’s more of a Kristi thing. She had dreams about us getting married … before we were married. She had dreams about kids … before we had kids. But my dreams are usually just crazy, random and psychedelic.

I dreamed I arrived at the orphanage after a long taxi ride where I had to yell at the driver to get going because my child was waiting for me. (the taxi part might’ve happened later in the dream, but chronologically it happens first) I was with a group of a half dozen others, and they were all given their babies. I was the last, and they handed me a rather large baby swaddled up in a blanket. Very cute but something not right. It felt nice to hold a baby again, as I haven’t in a long time and the nurturing, parenting emotions kicked in a bit.

Now I’m not a baby person like Kristi is. I see a baby and think, oh that’s nice. Yes it’s cute. They all are. But so high maintenance and so much a part of someone else. It’s totally different with my own kids. I finally got the baby thing when we had Hannah, and I held her myself and just spent time together. And that feeling kicked in a bit in the dream.

But as I said, something was not quite right. I didn’t catch the baby’s name when the caregiver handed it to me. It was a male caregiver and he came back up to me, still holding another, slightly older child, upright on his side. He asked how things were going and I asked my baby’s name again. He told me and although it sounded foreign (as it should be in Ethiopia),  it also sounded masculine to me.

I asked the caregiver if my baby was a boy. He said yes. I told him that I came here for a girl, not a boy. It dawned on him that he gave me the wrong baby, and that this girl he was holding must be mine. We awkwardly traded babies and I looked at her with her bushy hair, wide eyes  and ears that stuck out like Elliot’s do – in an endearing way. I knew she was mine.

After that was the taxi thing and something about houses and architecture and back to the typical nonsensical psychedelic dreams. But somehow I held onto this fragment and was able to tell it to Kristi in the morning.

The other thing I have to put on the record is about Elliot’s prayers. Each of our kids prays differently. Logan prays the most, usually at dinner (an important time for him) and with his eyes open. He says the same basic thing and sometimes forgets the words. Hannah still likes to recite the “now I lay me down to sleep” prayer, but then adds on some thank yous and some requests at the end.

Elliot says his dinner prayers silently and you can’t always make out his evening prayers. But they are not typically requests, they are more focused on others.

We’ve sponsored two children through Compassion International for the past year or two. “Diana” is connected to Hannah, and was selected on her 6th birthday. ”Bryam” is connected to Elliot, and was selected on his 5th birthday. Diana and Bryam always end up in Elliot’s prayers, even though we don’t talk about them very much.

Elliot started praying for “our little sister” early on when we first started talking about adoption and getting excited with the kids. Once we got our paperwork accepted, we discussed being “in the process” and on the waiting list. Now, one of Elliot’s prayers is to “help our little sister and thank you for letting us be in the process for adoption.”

Pretty awesome, huh?

We read in our agency’s newsletter that there were 3 girls referred this month. That should mean (deductive reasoning) that we are down to 34 on the list.

I’ve been thinking about some different numbers this week. Like toothbrush holders. Kristi just got one for the kids bathroom and almost got the one with three holes. Nope, going to need the four-hole version now. Check.

For some reason, when we got stockings for our kids about seven or eight years ago, we got four. Hmm.

Elliot has this thing about balance and patterns. It really comes into play with Legos, where everything has to be equal and balanced. He makes some pretty cool creations. So we have three boys in our family. But we only have two girls. He counted that off more than once and told us of our deficiency. That was before any talk about the adoption.

Our kitchen table has six chairs. That’s the amount the set came with. For the longest time, we put the extra chair in the front room to use by the computer. It was just tucked back in the corner, looking cleaner and less scratched up than the rest. In the past few months, it made its way out to the kitchen, probably after hosting. The difference is, it never made it back into the living room. We don’t need the extra chair and haven’t been hosting much. Now it’s as dirty as the rest, but we eat every day with an empty chair. On purpose? Not really, at least not consciously.

Our kids are sticklers for being fair and even in all things good. More than once, we’ve found ourselves counting M&Ms, grapes, books checked out at the library, etc. Well, count the rooms in our house and who is sharing. Mom and Dad share a room (we’re not quite old enough to have separate rooms and separate beds – yet). The boys share a room. Hannah wants to share a room too. We deliberated setting someone up in the basement so Hannah and the new sister could have their own rooms. The basement bedroom is a primo space with large closet, lots of privacy, and it’s own soon-to-be-finished bathroom. She would love to have the room. But she still wants to share. Two to a room. Don’t mess up the balance, we’ve gone too long living odd already.

So what’s 34? The age I was when we decided to adopt. And we have to wait for 33 others. That number is the age Kristi is right now.

And what if we continue with three kids referred each month? That means 11 more months of referrals for others, with our referral on month 12. That’s right, August 2010.

It could be the 8th month where my 8 year old daugher will get a little sister and bring balance to our family.

At that time, I’ll be 36. That’s will be double the combined total of the ages of all my kids. ((Hannah 8 + Elliot 6 + Logan 4) x2)You can throw the new one in there too, since she’ll probably be under one year old and won’t influence the perfect balance.

Okay, this blog post is getting a little deranged. It’s 9:03. Add up the numbers and you get 12. As in 12 months from now. We could only hope. Better hit the save button before it Hit’s 9:04. Got nothing for that one.

So, I’m not talking about the age of 37 but our place in line.  After several months of homestudy prep and dossier paperwork we are FINALLY on the list!  It’s official that we are now waiting for the referral of our baby girl from Ethiopia.     We are thrilled to know that we have an actual spot.  How the timing will play out…not sure, but we do know that God has it all planned out and we have trust in His timing. 

We continue to pray that God gives us peace as we wait.  We pray that the process will go smooth and quick.  We pray for our baby girl and for the family that will face an incredible sacrifice of choosing adoption for her.  We are grateful beyond words.

~Kristi

We’ve had to look pretty hard to find books on Ethiopia. Most are either long, dry history books or very basic ones that come from the juvenile non-fiction section of the library (which are actually not bad … more on those later).

I managed to track down three decent ones that could all stand alone as good reads. Here are my reviews.

Held at a Distance: My Rediscovery of Ethiopia - by Rebecca Haile

I would not have come across this book if I didn’t have an interest in Ethiopia, but I’m so glad I did. In some ways the Ethiopia story mirrors other African countries. But in many ways it is very different, with its own culture, history and mythology. The author does a good job making these distinctions and showing the unique and beautiful aspects of the country and the people.

Rebecca Haile shares her own story, having left at 10 years old after the persecution of her father, and returning 25 years later. She gives a thoughtful perspective on what it means to be Ethiopian. She digs into the stories, the people, the religions and the choices of the country’s leaders. It paints a wonderful and detailed portrait that reveals the complexity of the country. I of course thought about our daughter and how she will discover Ethiopia some day.

Notes from the Hyena’s Belly: An Ethiopian Boyhood – by Nega Mezlekia

Mezlekia is a brilliant Ethiopian writer and I loved his book. Apparently, there was some controversy over how much a ghost writer helped him out. Either way, they did a great job and the events all happened to him, so it doesn’t take away from the impact of the book.

Nega spent most of his life growing up in Ethiopia, through the fall of the king, the ruling of the military juntas and many changes throughout the country. It was an incredibly traumatic life, but he tells the story with great humor and optimism. It reminded me of Frank McCourt and all the terrible things that happened to him that somehow came out as quirky, warm, often funny stories that make a broader statement about life.

Refugee Boy – by Benjamin Zephaniah

This was an interesting, quick read. After the first few pages, it was evident that this is a book targeted toward youth. It’s about a boy whose dad is Ethiopian and mother is Eritrean, during the war of Eritrean secession. The parents are persecuted on both sides of the border and fear for their life, so the boy’s dad brings him to England and leaves him there as a refugee. It does give a few good bits about Ethiopian culture and some background on the war. But for the most part, it’s about how difficult it is for refugees trying to start a life in a new country.

This book reads a bit like an after-school movie (I’m obviously dating myself – do they still make those?). It’s all about the plot and circumstances that teach us an obvious lesson of inclusion and understanding. The author is not Ethiopian, I think he’s from Jamaica. However, it was light and quick, a little bit sad, and I’ll take any scraps of Ethiopian-related literature I can find.

I’d like to get the first two books for our collection, and maybe get the other one from the library for Hannah to read in a couple of years. There’s so much more to read on parenting, attachment, mixed race families, and adoption. But it’s been fun to dive into the Ethiopian culture to get started.

If anyone has other recommendations, please pass them along!

Jesse